[A scene opens with Masta Red sitting in a chair looking almost sleep. He looks up at a camera and begins to speak.]
Masta Red: [Yawning.] Yeah, what's going on man. Yeah I made my presence felt in DRWF. We got alot of sh*t heads here think that they have.... ZZZZZZzzzzzz.
[Masta Red slips off and falls asleep. The scenes fades.]
[The scene reopens with Masta Red sitting in a big leather chair asleep behind a oak desk. He has a trenchcoat and a derby hat on. Suddenly there is a knock at the door. Masta Red quickly jumps up and sees himself wearing a trenchcoat and the hat. He stretches and sits there wondering how in the hell he got here and why he is wearing these awful clothes. The knocking starts up again and Masta Red begins to talk.]
Masta Red: Uhh, yeah come in.
[A very large woman comes through the door wearing a very small mini skirt and flowered blouse. Masta Red looks at her with one eyebrow up. She slams her hands down on Masta Red desk and leans up so Masta Red sees tons of cleavage.]
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] You have to help me Red Private.
Masta Red: Okay what can I do for ya?
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] I think my husband is cheating on me. I need you to investigate. [Begins to rub very large boobs.] I don't know what to do.
Masta Red: Well I know what to do.
[Masta Red begins to lick lips.]
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] You do. [Begins to unbutton blouse.] Can you show me.
Masta Red: Yeah.
[Masta Red reaches into his desk and pulls out some papers and puts them on the desk. Ruth backs up and frowns up. She pulls a lead pipe out of her blouse and begins to stroke it.]
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] I thought you said you know what to do.
Masta Red: Yeah I do. Give you these papers so you can pay me. I need money!
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] But there is many ways I can repay you. [Takes off blouse.] If you get my drift.
[Ruth throws down the pipe and begins to climb up on the desk. But her immense weight cause the table to collapse and it shatters and falls to the floor.]
Masta Red: Yeah it you could sign right here.
[Ruth is rolling around trying to get off the floor. She finally gives up and just lays on the floor. She grabs the papers the signs them.]
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] I don't know what I would do without you.
Masta Red: You would prolly still be on the floor but let me help you up.
[Masta Red tries to pull Ruth up, but he fails by himself. He reaches into a cabinet on his far wall and grabs a rope.]
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] Kinky!
Masta Red: Naw, you are smashing my donuts.
[Ruth looks down to see grape jelly squirting out from under his large butt hitting the wall. Masta Red puts the rope around arm and starts to tug her up.]
[15 minutes and after 4 people join to help.]
[Masta Red and a group of college students finally gets Ruth up off the ground.]
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] Oh thank you Masta Red. I don't know how I could thank you.
Masta Red: Pay me in cash. Hey guys could you clean up my room for me. I will see ya.
[Masta Red begins to leave the room as the college students begin to pick up the stuff off the floor.]
Ruth: [In a very manly voice.] Oh you guys are so strong. I have some problems, could you guys remove some splinters for me?
[Ruth begins to raise up here miniskirt and shows her pink thong as the cameras quick switch to Masta Red. Masta Red fixes his hat on right and begins to talk.]
Masta Red: Well looks like Masta Red is back on the case. Now we have a problem with some man cheating on his wife. I don't know why he would do such a thing, she can please him many ways. But there seems to be more to this. Something like pipes, oh I know now lead pipes. I was wrestling the other night. Oh yeah I remember now. It was that guy Enforcer. Sorry big mang, I hope you didn't have any major brain trauma or anything like that. But you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Besides you were squeezing my hand to hard, I had to get aloose for you. But don't worry I will make it up to ya. I am sure Ruth is more your type. You know the slow and dumb type.
[Masta Red begins to walk down the stairs and out of the front of the building. He looks out to see hookers, drug dealers, and midgets all walking on the streets. Suddenly some little midget with a t-shirt that says "Frozen Cubes of Water" comes up to Masta Red.]
Midget: Private Red, are you busy.
Masta Red: Yeah, I gotta take a case. It is about men cheating on their wives and a Private dick, that's me, must penetrate the situtation. Why does your shirt say "Frozen Cubes of Water"?
Frozen Cubes of Water: Cause that is my name.
Masta Red: Wouldn't your name be more like "Ice"?
Frozen Cubes of Water: No, Ice is such a dumb name.
Masta Red: You telling me.
Frozen Cubes of Water: So I rather be called that, than Ice.
Masta Red: Okay little mang. I got some private work to be doing. So got off and melt somewhere or something.
[Masta Red walks away from the midget as he just stands there. The midget seems to be getting angry. He stomps his foot and begins to yell.]
Frozen Cubes of Water: I'm The X-Treme Machine!
[Masta Red looks back at the midget as he takes off running. Masta Red just shakes his head and continues walking.]
Masta Red: Crazy midgets. Speaking of Frozen Cubes of Water, that reminds me of that guy IcE. I mean come on guy. Who are you? No one is afraid of you. I only left the ring cause my mommy had called me. She needed me to clean out her bed pan, so don't think I left so swiftly cause I am afraid of you and your bunch of goons. Come on IcE, do you think I really care about Enforcer? That fat ass can't even last five minutes in the ring without being a health hazard. You need to get that dude on a tread mill or something. He could fall on someone that that would be nasty man. IcE, you are too light in the pants to be worring about me. I would fold you up into a little morsel and fed you to that big bufoon Enforcer. I am sure he would enjoy it.
[Masta Red finally comes up on a pink cadillac with a removable top. Masta Red goes over to take off the top. He opens his trunk and sees all kinds of beer bottles, leather masks and dildos. He throws the top into the trunk and climbs into the car and begins to drive off.]
[Three blocks and two minutes later.]
[Masta Red arrives at "Cheap Motel". Masta Red climbs out and is approached by a rather skinny and ugly female.]
Woman: Hey wanna have a good time.
Masta Red: Don't I know you?
Woman: I am not sure. I don't remember who I was with last night. Was it you?
Masta Red: Nah bitch. What is your name?
Hulia Janey: My name is Hulia Janey.
Masta Red: Do you know a man named Ice?
Hulia Janey: No, but my boyfriend name is Frozen Cubes of Water. Look, I don't have time for chitter chatter. You want a good time or not?
Masta Red: Nah bitch. Go take a bath or something.
[Hulia Janey sticks Masta Red and bird and walks off shaking like she needs some drugs or something.]
Masta Red: Damn crackhead whores. Well now onto my competition. My first competition into DRWF. No it wasn't fighting Big Willie in a thumb wrestling match to get into the federation, though his thumbs did smell funny, I wonder what he has been doing with those. But my competition is none other than....
[Masta Red begins to think.]
[Five minutes later.]
[Masta Red is still standing there thinking.]
Masta Red: Uhh, oh yeah. My challenger is Tyrone Gibson. I ask myself, self, who is this guy? Then I answer, self, that is the guy you DDTed and now he wants revenge for getting planted on his head on national tv. I understand your grief and animosity, but come on Tryone. You don't stand a ice cube chance in a very hot place, like IcE's anus. It is not that I don't like you man, but I really could give a flying f*ck about ya. I mean look at you. You go running off trying to beat up Enforcer man you are purdy dumb, that guy is big, and now you want to face me. You are fighting a lose, lose battle here son. Gibson...
[Suddenly a fat kid with a barbeque sauce stained bib comes out of nowhere. He has a rib in one hand and a roll in the other.]
Fat Kid: Gibsons? Who said Gibsons? Dem pork sanmiches, bes good.
Masta Red: No kid, I said Gibson, not Gibsons the barbeque place. Man their baked potatoes are good as hell.
Fat Kid: Damn, I need some baked beans.
[The kid runs off and Masta Red just shakes his head and continues to talk.]
Masta Red: Damn crazy Oklahomians. Always want something to eat. Back to Tryone. Gibson, don't expect to win cause it isn't going to happen pimp. It is going to be like you getting the ring, gettting the holy hell beat outta you, then I send you on your back to go smoke somemore of that crack with Frozen Cubes of Water's woman. She might even blow you real good if ya ask her too. So Gibson, don't place your expectations high aight.
[Suddenly there is a large bang. Masta Red jumps up out of the chair that he was in. He looks over to his door and sees his paper carrier.]
Masta Red: Yeah leave it at the door.
[The kid leaves the paper at the door as Masta Red looks back over at the camera.]
Masta Red: Yeah son, like I said alot of sh*t heads want to... ZZZZZZzzzzzz.
[Masta Red falls back off to sleep as the scene fades.]
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