[A scene opens with a group of men wearing white lab coats. They are watching as a very large panda is looking at a smaller panda. The men get excited as the large panda goes over to the other panda and begins to walk around the panda in circles. The large panda seems to wants to start mating with the other panda, yet the smaller panda shows no emotion or affection towards the panda. The large panda gets discouraged and waltzes away from the smaller panda and the men get very upset. Another man comes up from behind them eating a salad with a ton of bacon bits and ranch dressing on top of it.]
Veterinarian 1: Damnit man! That girl panda is never going to mate if she keeps giving everyone the cold shoulder.
Veterinarian 2: I know man. We might have to take drastic measures, I mean the panda species is dying out fast as hell. We need to find out a way to do make her mate.!
Veterinarian 3: We could clone?
Veterinarian 1: Cloning is no good. Didn't you see what happen to those pigs they cloned? They were slaughtered and made into bacon bits.
[Vet 1 and Vet 2 immediately look at Vet 3's salad and shake their head in disgust.]
Vet 3: Hey! These are imitation bacon bits so there is nothing to worry about!
Vet 1: Yeah sure. Well we will find out someway to get this to happen. I know we will. Well I am fixing to go lay down cause I am tired.
Vet 3: Yeah and I am going to go off and eat my salad away from you vegetarians.
Vet 1: We are not vegetarians, we're veterinarians!
[The group of vets begin to laugh at very dumb vet humor.]
Vet 2: Okay, I am going to stay here and ponder ways that we can get this girl to mate. And don't forget there is going to be a group of kids coming today with that big wrestler guy.
Vet 1: You mean that Masta Red guy?
Vet 2: Yeah.
Vet 3: Oh yeah I heard about that. It is some kinda publicity stunt or something.
Vet 2: Oh well. I'll talk to yall later then.
[Vet 1 and Vet 3 walk off talking about Vet 3's salad. Vet 2 sits there and starts at the girl panda as it takes a crap behind a bamboo tree.]
Vet 2: Maybe Kimmy is just constipated?
[The scene cuts to a big yellow school bus stopping in front of the "San Diego Animal Refuge". Masta Red comes out first wearing a Panama hat, some cargo shorts and a "I Luv Animals" t-shirt. He is followed by about 30 kids. Finally a very pretty, sexy, tall, woman steps off the bus and Masta Red rushes to the door and helps her down the steps.]
Masta Red: Let me help you Cindy. Those steps can be tricky.
Cindy: Thanks Masta Red.
Masta Red: Just call me Red.
Cindy: Okay, Red.
[Masta Red gives Cindy a sexy grin and she smiles as they round up all the kids and take them into the building. Masta Red stays at the back of the line as Cindy leads the group to the front desk. One of the kids pulls Masta Red's shirt as Masta Red is checking out Cindy's behind.]
Masta Red: Not now kid. I am busy.
Kid: Masta Red, what are you looking at? Are you looking at Mrs. Cindy's butt.
[Laughter is heard throughout all the kids as Masta Red just looks down at the kid with a grin on his face.]
Masta Red: Sorry kid, I was wondering what that was over there on the floor.
[A man brings a little tiger cub down the hallways and the kids all fall into some kinda trance as the little cub begins to bite at the trainer's pants. The trainer just looks down smiling widely and begins to address the kids.]
Trainer: Animals in the wild are DANGEROUS!
Masta Red: [Whispers to self.] Is that so?
Trainer: Though this is a little tiger cub, it is still a wild animal and VERY DANGEROUS! Wild animals should be left in the wild.
[A kid raises his hand.]
Trainer: Do you have a question little girl.
Girl: Yes.
Trainer: Well what it is?
Girl: Why is your leg bleeding?
[The trainer looks at his leg to see that the little tiger cub has a vice-like grip on his leg. His eyes bulge as he begins to sprint back down the hallway with the tiger cub still locked onto his laugh. Some of the kids chuckle as he begins to scream and holler.]
Masta Red: Now remember kids. Wild animals should be left in the wild. They are dangerous!
[They kids begin to erupt in laughter as Masta Red begins to run around in circles. Cindy looks back at Masta Red with a little smile on her face. Masta Red looks up and she quickly looks away and begins to talk to the kids.]
Cindy: Okay we are going to go see this penguins and the polar bears right now and right after that it is lunch. If anyone has to use the bathroom, raise your hand.
[None of the kids raises their hand but Masta Red does. Cindy gives Masta Red a look of sarcasm and tells him they will be at the penguin area and Masta Red goes off to find the bathroom. He goes down a hall and looks up at the camera and begins to talk.]
Masta Red: Well I have made my debut in GWA and it is time for Masta Red to have his first match in this federation. So I wake up this morning and check my email and see that I am booked in a Battle Royal. Now this makes me think, I am going to be in a match with seven other men beating up on each other until we throw each other out. But then it hits me, this is a "debut" match. That means there will be a shit load of talentless wrestlers running around the ring like chicken with their heads cut off, giving the crowd a poor showcase of wrestling ability. But that is okay, I will take up for others disadvantages.
[Masta Red sees a sign that tells which way the men's bathroom is so he turns and keeps on walking.]
Masta Red: Now I am not here to boast about how good I am, hell, most of the people around here now how good I am anyways so there is no reason to tell ya. All you will have to do is ask around and thou shall be educated. This Monday, February 19, I make my debut something that will not be forgotten anytime soon. I will show the roster a performance they will never forget. They will see a performance like no other. Complete domination of this match is what I am aiming for Monday.
[Masta Red turns one final corner and can see the bathroom doors a couple of feet in front of him.]
Masta Red: I will take on each and every wrestler that is in that battle royal, turn their faces to the ropes, take a couple of steps back from them, and punt their ass out of the match. I don't plan to be just another wrestler in GWA, but my plans are to be like they were when I was in before my vacation from the sport. At the top of this federation and never in the bottom dwellings with the garbage that will be in this match.
[Masta Red enters the bathroom and goes to one of urinals. Take a quick piss and goes over to wash his hands when he hears a smacking noise. Masta Red goes to the only occupied stall and hears a man talking to himself with a "Playboy" magazine in his hands.]
Man: Oh yeah baby. I like them big boobies. You bring out the animal in me. ROAR! Oh yeah. This feels so good. Ohhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhh, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeahhhhhhhh.
[There is a long pause and the toilet flushes and Masta Red hides in the one of the stalls that is not being used. We see the Vet 2 walking out of the stall putting his Playboy magazine under his lab coat as he goes over to wash his hands. He looks at himself in the mirror and begins to talk.]
Vet 2: I have seen the light. I will get that panda to mate. BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!
[The Vet grabs some paper towels and dries his hands off and storms out of the bathroom. Masta Red jumps off the toilet and goes over to wash his hands and quickly runs out of the bathroom. He looks down the hall and sees that the Vet just turned the corner and Masta Red begins to walk behind him.]
Masta Red: Well like I said, it is time for GWA to change a dramatic change. I will win my debut then go on to kick the next biatch that steps in my way until I reach that summit of that mountain and win the GWA World Title. That is what is going to happen.
[Masta Red begins to run alittle so he can catch up with the veterinarian. He comes to a door that has "DANGER" on the door. Masta Red ignores the warnings and opens the door. He sees the female panda looking at him face to face. Then he sees another panda walking up behind the panda. But that panda doesn't look too real. Masta Red quickly scans over the panda and sees that this panda has fingers like a human unlike the female panda. The fake panda begins to rub against the female panda and the female panda pushes the fake panda away. Masta Red hides behind a group of bamboo trees and the fake panda rises to it's feet and begins to look around.]
Fake Panda: Is someone there?
[Silence.]
Fake Panda: Is someone in here?
[Silence. The fake panda goes back down to all fours and tries to mount the female panda be she nearly knocks off his head with a blow to the fake pandas face. The head of the fake panda is completely turned backwards and the fake panda begins to run into bamboo trees and stumbles over rocks. Suddenly Cindy and the group of kids come pass the window to see the pandas along with Vet 1 and Vet 3. They see as the fake panda stands up and turns his head back on straight and rushes the female panda. Knocking her down. He quickly mounts the panda and a loud gasp is heard. Masta Red quickly exits during the confused and joins the group as the fake panda quickly springs up.]
Masta Red: OH MY GOD! HE TRIED TO SCREW KIMMY!
[The Vet 1 and Vet 3 rush into the room where the girl panda and the fake panda are hiding. They pull a couple of tazer out of their pocket and behind to shock the fake panda. They children are horrified and Cindy quickly rushes them out of the room. Masta Red stays and enjoys the scene. He looks over at the camera and begins to talk.]
Masta Red: Now that is punishment. That is the kind of punishment I will deal out this Monday. Unrelentless, unforgiving, and other un words that mean I am going to tee off on all ya sorry asses. Monday is my time.
[Masta Red laughs as Vet 1 and Vet 3 continue to shock the fake panda. The take off the head and see that is the is head master of custodial arts. The hear a crash and see Vet 2 running they quickly run after him and knock him down and get to shock him as the scene fades.]
|
|
